How do I find a mentor who is five to ten years ahead of me in engineering?

Look for someone five to ten years ahead of you who has a small team and built it from scratch, and give them something in return, either money or useful work. Skip the founder of a huge firm. That is my view, and it comes from how I found my own help.

Why not pick the most successful person I can find?

The instinct is to aim at the biggest name. A founder at the head of a very large firm has a record that looks impressive on paper, so that is who many engineers go after.

I think it is the wrong target. I suspect the person running a very large firm is solving problems you do not have yet. I would rather learn from someone whose problems sit just ahead of mine.

The material I work from says to look for someone with a small team who built it from scratch. That is the advice I follow.

What should I look for in a mentor?

Here is how I read that advice:

• A small team. I think they can speak to your problems in specifics, because the whole firm is still within their view.
• Built from scratch. They started the firm themselves, so they know the early steps firsthand.
• Five to ten years ahead. In my view, that is far enough to have solved what you are stuck on and close enough to remember it.

I think advice from someone twenty-five years ahead may skip the early steps. That is my opinion, not a rule.

Which mentor has built the kind of firm I want?

This is where my point of view comes in. Grandfather Engineering is a firm built around billing hours, with the founder as the bottleneck and burnout as the price of growth. Modern delivery is built around value over hours, with systems and AI that multiply engineers, and an owner who is free of the work.

A mentor who built a firm around hours will teach you how to build that firm. A mentor who built a modern delivery model will teach you something else. Before you ask anyone for time, look at how their firm runs and whether you want yours to run that way.

What do I give a mentor in return?

Mentorship is a two-way street, so either pay them or provide value. I have done both.

• I paid a coach.
• I delivered projects for an operator.

If you have budget, paying for their time is the direct route. If you do not, your technical skill is something you can offer. In my view, a clear offer of money or work gives a busy person a reason to say yes. A vague request for their time gives them less.

How do I get the most out of a mentor?

In my book I describe treating your practice like an engineering problem. When a design is not working, you analyze what is wrong, change your approach, try it and refine it. The book gives that advice for testing changes in your business, and I think the same habit works with a mentor's advice.

Here is how I would do it:

1. Bring one specific problem, not a general request for guidance.
2. Try their suggestion on one client or one project.
3. Change one variable at a time, so you know what caused the result.
4. Track the outcome.
5. Be willing to say when something did not work, and try a different approach.

I think a mentor helps most when you are willing to adapt. If your answer is always "this is how I have always done it," I doubt anyone can help you much.

Starting small also protects you. A mentor's advice comes from their market and their clients, and yours may differ. A small trial gives you evidence for your own case.

What should I do next week?

Here is what I would do. Write down the one problem in your practice you most want solved. Make it narrow, like pricing a proposal or deciding which client type to turn down.

Then make a short list of people who are five to ten years ahead of you, have a small team and built it themselves. Cross off anyone running a firm of hundreds.

Pick one name and decide what you can offer. If you have budget, offer to pay for their time. If you do not, offer work you are good at. Then send a short, specific message that names your problem and what you are offering.

That is one small test. Run it, see what you learn and adjust.